O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
