Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
