i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
