thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Still dying that you shit outside
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
