piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
