so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
