He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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