Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
