it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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