You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
