RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
