My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
