I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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