I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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