he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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