sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
