doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Who died my cat blue again?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
