so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
