I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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