No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
