I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
