I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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