hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
