he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
