I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
