I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
