He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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