Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
