i think i have two assholes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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