i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
