Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
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Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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