Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
