fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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