The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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