I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This house was built for laser tag.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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