I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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