I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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