if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
