I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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