I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
