I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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