I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
