I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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