And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
