my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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