it wasn't lemon gatorade
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
