what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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