New invention idea: vibrating tampons
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
