i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Randomize
