just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
