Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
a search helicopter?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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