I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
