a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
