we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
