:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
