God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
