your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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