guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
