we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
