what day is it and did you see me today?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
