Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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