who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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