I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
