I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
