Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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