Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
