A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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