My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
