Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
