Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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