What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
