Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
