Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
