I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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