Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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