i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
