We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
