Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
