They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
