I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
