Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
