My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
