I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Drake has all the answers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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