I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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