just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
