Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
